


No Shepard without Vakarian

by Lady_Eglantine



Series: Jane Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-29 09:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Eglantine/pseuds/Lady_Eglantine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of ficlets and prompts (in no chronological order) focused on Garrus Vakarian and Commander Jane Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taking the Kill Shot

-1-

On the list of all the crazy things Shepard had done in her life, what she was about to do was towards the top of it. But there was no other way. This had to end now, if there was any chance to save the quarian fleet. To bring the geth back from Reaper control. To broker peace between the two long-feuding sides. 

Legion asked her if she required assistance, but she could handle this. She was only one who could. She was the one who had the fancy targeting laser, after all. 

She was prepared to hop down to lower ground when she heard the top hatch of the geth ship opening and turned when she heard the footsteps behind her, seeing Garrus striding purposefully towards her. 

She really hoped he wasn’t going to do what she thought. Insist on staying with her when she (and likely he) knew there was nothing he could do. His armor-piercing rounds would be of no use here. But if he was, she’d fight on him it just as hard. Which they didn’t have time for. The Reaper wouldn’t stay down forever. 

Shepard opened her mouth as Garrus reached her, intent on telling him to go back and get to safety, preparing for an argument she hoped wouldn’t follow. 

But words died in her throat when he tilted her face up with a cup of her cheek in his gloved hand and pressed his brow to hers.

“Give it hell, Jane,” he murmured as he pulled away. And despite his best efforts to hide it, she caught the flicker of apprehension in his cobalt eyes as he turned to go back. 

Her hand shot out to grab his forearm, preventing him from leaving just yet. Placing her hands on his neck, she pulled him down for a quick kiss, trying to convey some sense of reassurance that she would be alright, that she’d come back, not caring if Tali and Legion had a front row seat to this. “You know I will. Wouldn’t pass up taking this kill shot.”

Garrus’s mandibles fluttered wider at that, shooting her the turian equivalent of a faint smile. “Just as long as you let me have the next one.”

“Deal,” she answered, along with her own press of the forehead to his. 

Shepard then watched Garrus head back and re-enter the geth ship and Legion drive away until the rumblings of the Reaper in the distance brought her back to the task at hand. She dropped down to the area below her, targeting laser in hand and at the ready as the Reaper rose up, not willing to go down without a fight. 

But she would give it all she had. 

She would come back to him.


	2. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a modified version of the OTP Prompt: Imagine Person A is bigger than Person B, so Person B loves to wear A’s shirt to bed at night because it’s so big on them.

-2-

Garrus didn’t know what caused him to wake, as even in his foggy-headed state, he didn’t hear the shrill beep of the alarm. He automatically reached his arm out to Jane’s side of the bed to wrap it around her waist. But his arm only met air.

Garrus slowly opened his eyes, blearily searching until his eyes landed on her, seated on the couch and bathed in the light of her datapad.

He immediately sat up, trying to blink away the sleep stupor he was still under. “Jane?”

Her head shot up at the sound of his voice, breaking her concentration. “Go back to sleep, big guy. We’re not on-duty yet.”

He reached over to turn on the light while glancing at the clock on the nightstand. No wonder he hadn’t heard the alarm. It wasn’t even close to time. “You should too.”

Jane shook her head, eyes darting back to the datapad. “Can’t sleep.”

He caught the defensive edge, an indicator that prodding her on why and insisting she go back to sleep wouldn’t get anywhere. But damn it, it was too early on in this war for her to already be having sleepless nights.

It was when Jane lowered the datapad to stretch her arms that it hit him she was in something other than the tank and panties she had worn to bed. But not her usual casuals or her hoodie and sweats, instead something else entirely.

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“It was the first thing I grabbed,” she said as she pushed up the sleeves which had fallen down her arms as she had stretched. “I didn’t realize it til after I put it on. But it’s surprisingly warm and comfy; I couldn’t take it off.” She set aside her pad and stood up, hands drifting to her waist to tug at the shirt’s hem. “But I can if…”

Garrus shook his head. “It’s fine.” He couldn’t complain when wearing it allowed him a view of her shapely thighs. “It looks good on you.”  Even it was almost hilariously over-sized for her. And…

“You know you’re wearing it backwards, right?” he asked, fighting back laughter.

She glanced down at the shirt and pulled at the collar. To her credit, she did her best not to appear _too_ embarrassed. “Totally.”

He was unable to hide his snort of skepticism or the “uh huh” that escaped his lip plates.

She crossed her arms, attempting to do her best intimidating, no-nonsense Commander Shepard stare, but failing miserably. “Are you questioning the fashion choices of your commanding officer, Vakarian?”

“I believe you were the one who encouraged us to speak our minds if you make questionable decisions.”

“I’m starting to regret that.”

“Fine, I take it back, then. You’re a trailblazer of turian fashion,” he said, unable to keep the teasing lilt from his voice.

“Just for that, I _will_ keep this,” she said, tugging on his shirt. “And make you walk back to the battery naked.”

“I’d still have pants.”

“I’d just take those too.”

“You wouldn’t be that cruel.” For which he was fortunate. He’d never live that down if someone saw him, especially someone like Vega.

She bounded over to the bed, setting herself down and crawling over the mattress on her hands and knees until she was straddling him.

“Tell you what. Because I’m nice, I’ll give it back. _But_ only if you make it up to me.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asked, intentionally dropping his sub-vocal to that lower octave that never failed to get her motor running, as one hand landed on her enticingly exposed thigh, running up and down the smooth skin with his palm.

She let out a breathless laugh and suddenly making sure he got his shirt back didn’t seem as important as keeping her as relaxed and care-free for as long as he could.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” she said, leaning down to kiss him.


	3. Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things

-3-

Garrus suspected something was up as soon as he spotted her on the couch.

Jane was sitting too rigidly, tension practically radiating off her. Her eyes were glued to the datapad in her hand and she didn’t once acknowledge him as he made his way down the few steps. Not to mention her vitals had spiked from normal, which usually only happened when she was aroused or seething. And he hadn't spotted any hint of a pornographic vid or image on the datapad, so the first possibility was likely out.

Never one to leave a mystery unsolved, especially where she was concerned, he decided he’d get to the bottom of it. “Jane?”

Jane jolted at the sound of his voice as if she had been shocked by a Cerberus stun baton, whipping her head around with an intense glare. “Damn it, Garrus, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

"Sorry." He stopped himself from reflexively stepping back at her tone, the one she occasionally had to whip out whenever she meant business. He wondered what could have happened or what news she could have gotten to put her this on edge. "Sounds like you had a rough afternoon."

"You could say that." The irritated features on Jane’s face softened after a moment, shoulders deflating ever so slightly. “I'm sorry, Garrus. I shouldn't be taking this out on you."

He stepped around the couch to properly face her. “What's bothering you?”

At first Garrus thought she might not tell him, insist that she was fine as she had done countless times before. But without further pressing, she said, “A C-Sec officer named Noles contacted me. Someone was illegally using batarian diplomatic codes and she asked for my help.”

“Did you find out who was behind it?” he asked, sitting down on the free sofa seat next to Jane.

She nodded. “When I got to the final access point, someone was there waiting for me. Stuck the barrel of a gun into my back." She let out a bitter laugh. "I figured it’d be a batarian. But I never thought it would be Balak.”

Putting aside the unsettling revelation that she could have been shot in the back without any armor protecting her, it made perfect sense why she seemed on edge and why she snapped at Garrus. He didn't see any bandages or apparent wounds on her and she didn't seem like she was in any type of pain so he could only assume Balak didn't get a shot in. But that didn't stop Garrus from scooting a bit closer to her, their legs bumping up against the other.

“I assume then he wasn't there in some horrible attempt at a peace-offering?” he asked while attempting to keep his voice as level as possible.

She let out another harsh laugh. “Not even close. Balak blamed me for everything that happened to the batarians since the Reapers hit them. Wanted vengeance for that and what happened in the Bahak system. I was just waiting for him to try and shoot me.”

“But obviously you got the upper-hand, considering you seem no worse for wear.”

Garrus couldn't help the concern beginning to stir within him at Jane's lack of response, instead choosing to turn the datapad over and over in her hands. If there was one thing he had quickly learned about Jane was that she liked to talk things out. Though that didn't always extend to when things personally bothered her, she would at least try to change the topic of conversation, not sit in tense silence like this.

But finally, she admitted in barely-restrained frustration, her voice practically choking on it, "I let him go. I let him go again, Garrus. I convinced him to give us access to the batarian fleet to fight the Reapers. Then I let that terrorist go again.”

He glanced down at the now still datapad, which Jane had clutched in her hands so tightly to the point he thought it might actually break.

“And all I keep thinking is how I should've just put a bullet in his head.”

It then began to truly click, why she was upset. She looked as he once felt, a few days after he had been convinced to spare Sidonis, stewing over his decision, going back and forth on whether it had been the right one, whether he had truly done right by his team. Or whether Jane had swayed him into thinking it was the right one.

Jane had happened upon him and, at first, he hadn't wanted to talk to her about it. But (in typical Jane fashion) she coaxed him into letting her help him work through it. Reassuring him that while she had nudged him, _he_ had made the decision to let Sidonis go in the end. It had irked him, her seemingly absolute certainty about the decision,  that Garrus would make that choice and not attempt to shoot around Jane's head. And he'd said as much to her.

It was at that moment she confessed it to him, sharing something with him she hadn't told many others. Admitting to him her continued wariness of batarians. About how deeply conflicted she had been with letting Balak go on that asteroid over Terra Nova two years before. How she had wanted to hunt Balak all over the base and make him pay for what he did, shooting him until there was practically nothing left but an unrecognizable shell. How the thought of that had repulsed her. However much she had wanted him dead, however hard it would be to see him walk away, she hadn't been able to pull the trigger on him, to willingly let innocents die for whatever perverse satisfaction she'd thought she'd gain.

He remembered being shocked at first while she was telling him this. He certainly remembered her being angrier, fiercer than usual while fighting on that asteroid, but when the decision came to either let Balak go or the hostages die, she hadn't seemed to hesitate in choosing to save those innocent lives, just as she always did. He remembered feeling guilty that he hadn't picked up on it, imagining what she must have gone through afterwards once she was alone, her rare desire for blood fiercely conflicting with the moral code she was dedicated to (and prided herself on) following.

But she wasn't alone this time.

He reached out for the datapad, trying to tug it out of her hands, but she still had a solid grip on it. Trying another tactic, he curled his hands around her wrists, pulling on them to coax her against him. This time, Jane followed his lead, resting her head under his chin, however still stiff as a board. Only after some light strokes of his talons up and down her back did she relax enough that he could finally take the datapad from her and set it on the table.

Garrus wasn't certain how long they sat there, basking in the quiet of the room save for the occasional gurgle of the fish tank in the background, but he took note of how much Jane's body had slacked against him, the tension seemingly been sucked out of her.

"I know he wasn't part of it. Of what happened on Mindoir," she said, breaking the silence, her voice calmer than before. "But what he tried to do...was not that different. Still terrorizing and killing innocent people. Payback for human colonization of territory they believed theirs."

He squeezed her waist. "You did what you thought was best. For the war."

"Everything comes back to that, doesn't it? The war comes first, any possible consequences worried about later?" she asked, weariness now seeming to bear down on her instead. "Which I know. I know we need to. Cause it's a pointless conversation otherwise. But I can't help worrying if we make it through this that he'll continue doing what he did. How much more he, or any batarians like him still left, will feel even more emboldened."

Sensing the tension rising in her again, he resumed running his talons along her back, allowing him a moment to collect his thoughts and think about what he could say that would help.

"You know, " Garrus began, stroking along her cheek with his other hand. "A wise human Commander once told me you can't predict how everyone will act, but you can control how you'll respond. In the end, that's what really matters."

She picked her head up at that, staring at him as if hearing those words for the first time instead of having been the one to say them to him in the first place. Then the corners of her mouth lifted in a small smile, a sight he was glad to see.

"And just who is this wise human Commander? Some hotshot sniper like you?"

"Better. Or at least she was until _I_ proved to be the better shot."

"Maybe she just needs another chance to prove it, in a place where it's not windy."

"Well, I do know of a place in the Wards where you can fight in combat sims. Offers different kinds of locales and enemies, different difficulty modes. _And_ it's wind-free."

Her eyes brightened, her interest clearly piqued, as he knew it would be. "I think she'd be willing to take you up on that, Vakarian. If you're offering."

"Definitely. Next time we're on the Citadel."

She placed her hands on the sides of his neck, leaning in to kiss him, a gentle brush of lips to plates.

"Thank you," she breathed as she pulled away, cupping his scarred mandible.

Something in her voice told him it wasn't just for setting up another Citadel date, but he didn't press her this time, instead settling her more comfortably on his lap, the arm on her waist wrapping itself more securely around her, bringing her closer for a light kiss of his own.

Once they broke away again, Jane slung her own arm around his waist. She settled her head on the crook of his neck and murmured against the cloth of his tunic, "What would I do without you?"

He knew (and likely she did too) he couldn't give her the assurance she wouldn't have to find out. Neither of them knew what would happen day to day, not until the very last Reaper went down in a spectacle of fiery explosions.

But for now, he pressed his scarred mandible against her head, intent on keeping her in his arms until she wanted him to let go.


	4. Forceful Kiss

-4-

“I don’t like this.”

Shepard paused in examining the new scope on her rifle. She thought they had settled this already; she’d been hoping they wouldn’t get into it again.

“You’ve said that already.”

“Just providing reinforcement.”

“Trust me, big guy, I know. I don’t like it either.” Satisfied with her rifle, she fastened it to the back of her armor. “I’ll try to send you updates every three hours or so.” After what happened in the Bahak system with Kenson keeping her sedated for two days, she knew he wouldn’t wait around again without word from her, wouldn’t hesitate to jump in the Kodiak and come to Omega to find her. Nor did she want to put him through that type of endless waiting again.

Shepard then approached Garrus, who was tensely leaning against the requisitions console, mandibles tight against his face. “I’ll be fine, Garrus.”

He sighed, crossed arms dropping to his sides. “I know you will. Can’t forget you were the one to pull my ass out of Omega in the first place,” he said with a forced attempt at a joke to lighten the mood. “I just…”

She laid a hand on his chest plate. “I know.” She knew because it was Omega, because she wouldn’t have anyone other than Aria watching her six. But Shepard would play by this rule of Aria’s, as she knew she’d be butting heads with Aria enough as it was. Not to say a part of Shepard wasn’t relieved for it. Cerberus occupation or not, she preferred not to give any of the merc groups an opportunity to target Garrus if they recognized him as Archangel. 

Not that that would have stopped him. Garrus had said just as much to her when Shepard begrudgingly told Garrus she had met with Aria, that she wanted Shepard to help her take back Omega. He had raised his concerns, about Aria not exactly being the most trustworthy person or truly knowing her intentions, about only having her and her own around Shepard. But after minutes of vigorous back and forth, he eventually saw Shepard’s side, though was still unhappy about it. Which he was clearly not hesitant on reminding her of.

With her sniper rifle and pistol holstered, resupplied with a fresh batch of grenades, and Cortez waiting for her in the Kodiak, it was finally time to head out.

She made to say goodbye with a brief kiss, but Garrus had other ideas, grabbing onto her shoulders and pulling her closer, leaning down with a hard press of his mouth plates to her lips. For all his lack of a flexible mouth and having never done this before her, he had become quite a damn good kisser since their first night, her breath practically knocked out of her by the forcefulness of his kiss. She held onto his own armored shoulders, eagerly responding, finding herself wishing they could just go back to her quarters instead of her having to go and help Aria, but business had to come before pleasure.

Shepard reluctantly pulled away, knowing Aria was expecting her soon. Garrus let go of one of her shoulders, running the back of his gloved finger against the side of her face as he said, “Be careful out there, Jane.”

“I’m always careful. When am I ever not?”

She was pleased to see his mandibles flick in slight _genuine_ amusement, “I’d answer that, but we’d be here longer than you have time for.”

“Funny,” she said with a playful push to his shoulder.

“I try.” His gaze then turned serious again, hand grabbing for one of hers and curling his over it as he said, “Around every three hours.”

She squeezed it back. “Around every three hours.”

Finally pulling away from each other, she headed over to the Kodiak, beginning to physically and mentally prep herself for the long night ahead, determined to try and get through it in one piece.


	5. Things you said that I wish you hadn’t

-5-

They were quiet as they dressed, Garrus into his armor and Jane in her dress blues to meet with Hackett. Garrus took note of her unusually sluggish pace, slipping her pants on one leg at a time, taking her sweet time with each button of her jacket. Not that he seemed to be moving much faster, neither seemingly wanting to break away from the little sanctuary they had managed to make for themselves.

He was in the process of fastening on the armor at his upper legs when he noticed Jane had finally finished dressing, but she was sitting on the bed, hands still and folded in her lap, wide-eyed gaze on the floor.

“Jane?”

When he didn’t receive an answer, he finished up with the armor piece and made his way over to the bed, seating himself on the edge, this feeling all too similar to before the assault on the Cerberus headquarters, after another one of her bad dreams.

But when she still didn’t even glance at him, he reached out and tilted her face towards him, immediately noting the unshed tears in her blue eyes she seemed to be making an effort not to let fall.

“Hey, talk to me. What is it?”

Jane took in a shaky inhale, followed by a hard swallow. “If something happens down there…if I die…don’t hold onto me. Don’t go back to being Archangel. Live a good life…” She swallowed again, eyes closing. “Love again,” she whispered.

He hadn’t been prepared for that, but he supposed he should have been. Even in the few hours they had spent wrapped up in each other and squeezing in some sorely needed rest, it was hard to stop thoughts of what could come from crossing his mind. But to hear her say it out loud, her admittance of the very likely possibility of having to live in a galaxy without her in it, hit him like a punch to the gut and took the air right out of him.

“Damn it, Jane,” he said, his own throat uncontrollably seizing, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. “Don’t…”

She pressed her finger against his mouth plates to silence him. “I’m gonna fight like hell down there. For us. But I need to say it, in case I don’t get to later.” She then forced a sad smile on her face. “Like you said, try to expect the worst, right? Be pleasantly surprised?”

A fine time for her to. He was well aware of their chances; he didn’t need, _want_ , a reminder of them. Not now. Not where her life or death was concerned.

As much as he hated hearing it, the realist in him knew she was right. These were things that needed to be said, parting wishes for the other in case either of them should be killed in action.

However, he refused to let that be the only thing, talk of worst case scenarios and thoughts of living without the other. He wanted there to be talk of retiring on a beach somewhere in the galaxy too. Of proposals. Of babies. Of meeting his father and sister for the first time. Of having a life side by side with her in a Reaper-free world. Things he should have told her long ago.

His fingers splayed out to cup her cheek, readying himself. Only to be interrupted by Joker’s once again impeccably bad timing, buzzing in on the comm and letting Jane know Hackett was requesting permission to come aboard the Normandy.

“Permission granted.” Jane placed both hands on Garrus’s neck, kissing him firmly on the mouth. “I’ll see you down there, big guy.”

Watching her head to the elevator, he resolved to take the first opportunity he could to tell her, of dreams of a future they were on the precipice of either making a reality or disappearing right before their eyes. Wherever it may be and whomever may overhear.


	6. Doctor's Visit

-6-

“Forgetting something there, Vakarian?”

Garrus froze in his tracks at the stern, questioning voice behind him. He made himself turn around, watching Jane follow him up the walkway to the Main Battery. To stand with crossed arms across from him, fixing him with a steady gaze.

He was fortunate no one else was milling about the mess to see this. He knew he had to act fast, play any card he had to.

“I haven’t told you I love you today, have I?” he asked in the softest voice he could manage (ignoring how flat it sounded than usual), deciding to pull out the biggest guns he had first.

What he hoped would be a critical strike only resulted in a slight softening of her eyes and a “Nice try. But you’re not getting rid of me that easily. Or make me forget I told you to see Chakwas.”

“I’m fine.”

“You still look unsteady on your feet.”  Jane then reached out across the remaining distance between them, draping a hand over his forehead plates. “And you’re warm, even for you.”

He couldn’t deny her the validity of both those points. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.  

“I’m up and moving.”

“If you won’t let me push myself too hard, I won’t let you either,” she said, clearly not buying what he was selling, still studying him intently. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? Someone else could have gone with me and Tali down to Cyone to deal with the fuel reactors.”

“You needed me,” he said simply. It was like he told her before going into the quarantine zone on Omega. He wouldn’t let anything hold him back from being at her six if she needed him there.

“I need you _well_ , Garrus. And not just for missions.” She reached down for one of his hands, cradling it in her smaller, five-fingered one. “Have Chakwas check you over. For my sake.”

Between hearing the utter concern in her voice and seeing it radiate from her dark blue eyes, he knew he didn’t have it in him to resist further. Not when it was clear to him the battle of wills had definitively turned in her favor. Not when the fatigue had begun to really hit him, his body insisting he get off his feet and onto the nearest flat surface to sprawl out on.

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he said, raising his other hand in defeat. “You know Chakwas will put me on bed rest,” he said with a slight grumble.

Jane let out a small laugh, looking pleased about her victory. “I’m sure you’ll manage, big guy.” The corners of her mouth then lifted in the hint of a sly smile. “Perhaps I could even make it worth your while.”

“Oh? What’d you have in mind?” he asked, his interest quite piqued despite how draggy he was feeling by the second.

She patted his arm. “After you’ve rested and are feeling better. No sooner.”

“You’re a horrible tease. You know that, right?”

Jane sent him a knowing smile. “You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

Spirits knew he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t change a thing about her.

Getting in a squeeze of Jane’s hand before letting go, he headed past her in the direction of the Med Bay, and to Chakwas’s inevitable order of mandatory bed rest for however long she saw fit. 


	7. Exchanging Letters

-7-

To: Garrus Vakarian

From: ~~Lt. Cmdr.~~ Jane Shepard

_Garrus,_

_I doubt this message will even get through, like the others I’ve tried to send since I’ve been here. Despite my requests, the Alliance still blocks my extranet access (still sticking to that whole stripped of my command and being thrown in the brig thing, I guess), but I thought I’d try anyway, on the off-chance it might work. And you know me. I’m always about taking whatever odds I can, even if they’re tiny._

_I hope you are doing alright out there. Can’t believe it’s been six months since I dropped you off on the Citadel and I went back to Earth. Talks with the Admirals at this Defense Committee have gone just as expected, either questioning my motives or my sanity. If not for Anderson and Hackett, I doubt they would be wasting their time and would have court-marshaled and sentenced me immediately. Though I noticed they seemed less skeptical about the Reapers last time we met and more on edge, but they wouldn’t tell me anything concrete. It makes me wonder what’s going on. Damn it, it’s driving me crazy not being in the loop on anything anymore!_

_When I’m not trying to talk to the Admirals, I’m trying to keep myself from going stir-crazy best I can. Doing exercises, occasionally being allowed a “supervised” walk around the grounds or to the gym off-hours, picking up what scraps of information I can. There’s a marine named Vega who’s been assigned as my guard here in the brig. He doesn’t know much of what’s going on either, but it’s nice to just be able to talk to someone who isn’t on this Defense Committee. Though I guess it could be worse. At least they’ve given me warm food and I have a soft bed to return to at night. And my room has this huge window that gives me a nice view of the mountains in the distance. But it doesn’t beat the view of the stars from the Normandy’s Observation Deck._

_How are your efforts going? Anderson didn’t have any info on you last I saw him. Were you able to meet with Sparatus or was it a dead end like it usually is with the Council? Have you heard from any of the Normandy crew? And your family? How are your dad and your sister? How have your mom’s treatments gone? I know you were reluctant to accept my help in paying for treatments, but I don’t regret it, not when it’s so important to you and your family._

_I…miss you, big guy. So much._

_Take care of yourself out there. I hope we’ll get to see each other again soon._

_~J_

*Error: Unable to connect to the extranet. Attempt to deliver message to recipient failed. Message returned to sender Fri, 21 Sep 2186 19:34:56.*

* * *

To: Lt. Cmdr. Jane Shepard

From: Garrus Vakarian

_Shepard,_

_I’m sure this message will just bounce back like the others I’ve sent, but what is it you humans say? Fourth time’s the charm? I think that’s right… Suppose it was too much to expect the Alliance would let you have free reign and access to the extranet._

_I hope you are doing okay. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to be grounded like this for six months with the Reapers on the way. I know you said this was for the best, and you know I respected your decision…I wish I could be there for you._

_I’ve been trying to do the best I can, yelling loud enough about the Reapers until someone actually listens. Sparatus was a dead end (like we knew it would be). After that, I knew I couldn’t just try to talk to the Primarch or anyone in the hierarchy without some type of political clout. So I went to the only person I could. My father._

_I know you’re probably wondering why, when I told you before we didn’t see eye to eye on a lot, but he has heavy pull in the government and is friends with Primarch Fedorian. I thought he might call me crazy, some of the things I was telling him about the Reapers, the Collectors, Vigil (I might’ve if I hadn’t seen it myself), but he saw the same connections we did. He took it to the Primarch and after a lot of pushing, it got me a token task force and Reaper Advisor title. I can’t give specifics, but I’m hoping our efforts have bought the turian fleet time. Now we’re forced to wait for the Reapers’ next move, but I guess we’ve been doing that for awhile, right? I’ve been hearing rumblings about me being sent someplace in the cluster to do some more “Reaper advisoring;“ just waiting for an official order._

_Even though it’s been busy, it’s been good to be back on Palaven. To see my father, and Sol. Things were still a little tense between us (she nearly chewed my head off when I told her where I got the scars), but they’ve gotten better. I know you might be wondering about Mom. She…didn’t make it. In the end, the treatments still weren’t ’enough. They did warn us they were in the experimental stage, not a guarantee. Still, I appreciate you helping to pay after you heard the fees couldn’t be waived for Mom in time. You know I was hesitant to take your offer, but I’m glad you did. It means a lot._

_Haven’t been in touch with the crew outside of a message from Liara and message from Mordin. Hard to say that I don’t miss my time on the Normandy and the people on it. Or that it hasn’t been hard not being with you._

_I…miss you, Jane. A lot._

_Take care of yourself. If I know you, you’ll find a way to be set free and we’ll see each other again soon._

_~G_

*Error: Attempt to deliver message to recipient failed. Message returned to sender Sat, 22 Sep 2186 22:12:43.*


	8. Competitive

-8-

“Oh, come on!” Shepard yelled when she heard the VI above her announce the end of the match.

She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Garrus as he joined up with her, who she was almost positive was coming as close as a turian could to looking smug. “I believe that brings my overall total to 20.”

“I was distracted,” she grumbled as she holstered her sniper rifle.

“You keep telling yourself that, Jane.”

She finally made herself look at him and sure enough he looked as cocky as he sounded.

And maybe it was the adrenaline, but she couldn’t deny how much the way he was looking at her was beginning to arouse her, which quickly spiraled into needing to get back to Anderson’s apartment as quickly as possible.

“I think we need a tiebreaker,” she said, voice low, hopeful Garrus would take the hint.

By the appearance of the heat and desire in his eyes, she knew he had.

He stepped closer to her, their chestplates brushing up against each other. “Race you back to the apartment?”

She laughed, unable to resist another challenge. “You’re on.”


	9. Tear

-9-

Garrus checked behind him, noticing Jane had fallen behind. He wondered what could have held her up, until he walked back and saw her off to the side, something in her hand.

It was a pale yellow blanket, part of a booted footprint on the corner, a tear running down its middle. He suspected who may have owned it; he had seen a few younger human children around the Citadel clutching onto blankets, a sight he sadly now saw among some children in the Wards who stood without parents by their sides.

He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You ok?”

Jane glanced up at him, allowing him to clearly see the frozen tears in her eyes, a sight that hurt him to see. “Yeah.”

She didn’t say it, but between this and how she had reacted to seeing the corpses strewn around a table with overturned drinks and a game running, he could guess how difficult this was to see, hit too close to home to Mindoir. “We’ll make them pay for this, Jane.”

She nodded, setting the torn blanket on the nearby bed, folding it neatly on top of it.

Her eyes met his again, clearer and with that familiar look of determination back in her eyes. “Come on. Let’s get that pod opened.”

“Right behind you,” he said, following her out to catch up with Liara.

 


	10. Close Your Eyes

-10-

The first thing Shepard noticed when she came to awareness was how heavy her body felt.

It took considerable effort to even open her eyes, her eyelids feeling like they had been glued shut. Even when she managed to, it took a few moments until the ceiling above her didn’t appear so blurry. Her head felt murky too, only able to conjure snatches of memory as to what had happened prior to ending up…wherever she was. She remembered…Reapers…in London…and running for the beam, up to the Citadel with…

It was at that moment Shepard glanced to the side, spotting a large figure by her bed, something resting on the blanket by her legs. She slowly realized that it was Garrus, sound asleep, his head on his arm, his other hand clasped over her bandaged one.

The relief she felt at seeing him alive and well, still at her side, was indescribable, a smile spreading on her face before transforming into a grimace from the discomfort in her facial muscles. Shepard tried to reach up and run a hand along her cheek, feeling something plastered on it, but she found herself unable to even do such a simple movement.

She spotted a glass of water over on the bedside table near her head, realizing for the first time how parched her throat felt. Shepard tried her other hand, the one under Garrus’s, but found it even more of a struggle to move given the additional weight laying over it. But the attempts, however slight, were enough to startle Garrus out of his slumber. He searched around for the source, his eyes landing on her, widening as he seemed to realize she was staring back at him.

“Hey, there, big guy…” Her voice croaked on the words, the effort to speak as taxing as moving. “Sorry I woke you. Know how important…your beauty sleep is.”

Garrus let out what seemed to her a strangled chuckle, as if trying to keep himself from becoming emotional at the sight of her awake and aware. Shepard could only imagine the state she arrived in, how long he must have stayed there, wondering if she’d ever recover. She would’ve had a hard time keeping it together if in his place.

“Didn’t think I still needed it. Thought you were already impressed.”

It was her turn to let out a soft laugh. Shepard didn’t have the energy to do much more. “Always…room for improvement.”

Garrus’s mandibles flicked in a smile. He cupped her cheek, his touch as gentle as if she were made of glass. Shepard shuddered to think how much of her had been reconstructed this time. “How are you feeling?”

“Could use some water.”

A moment later, she found her head being guided forward with a just as soft touch against her neck and cool glass against her lips. It took her throat a moment to swallow, resulting in some of the water spilling onto her chest. But what managed to go down her throat made her feel much better.

“How long…have I been out?” she asked as Garrus went to retrieve a cloth.

“Over three months. Samara found you, in the rubble. Alliance soldiers took you to one of the only hospitals not completely turned to rubble. From what Samara and Miranda told us, things didn’t look good when you first arrived here. You were barely breathing.” His voice began to tremble as he finished, eyes darting away and closing. “But you beat the odds again…”

Shepard was relieved to hear Samara and Miranda also made it, but she’d ask about their whereabouts later, not when the turian in front of her clearly needed comforting.

“Hey…” She had enough strength to nuzzle her cheek against his hand. “I’m here, you’re here…we’re both here, that’s what matters.”

Instead of replying to that, Garrus leaned forward to press his face into her hair, breathing heavily, a faint keen vibrating against her head. “I thought I lost you.”

The despondent note in his voice made her chest ache, threatening to bring tears to her eyes. Rarely had she heard him sound so vulnerable. She wished she could summon the energy to hug him close to her, wrap her arm around his neck, rub circles into the hide at the back of it. That always helped to soothe him.

“A certain turian ordered me…to come back alive. It seemed like…a pretty important order to follow.”

Garrus didn’t say anything, not that she expected him to. She then felt a tickle in her throat, unable to keep it contained for long, giving into the cough and ruining the quiet moment that had settled in between them. Garrus retrieved more water for her once the coughing calmed down, seeming to be in control of himself again.

Shepard sunk further into the bed, absolutely wrung out just from a simple cough. But she didn’t want to rest just yet, not when she still needed one major question answered.

“What happened…to the Reapers…did we…did we finish it?”

Garrus set the glass down, resuming his place in the chair and taking her hand in both his. “You did. Whatever happened up there on the Citadel, with the Catalyst…it armed the Crucible. The Reapers are gone, Jane. Destroyed.”

It was her turn to keep her emotions in check, a tsunami hitting her at full force at his confirmation it was finally over. The war was finally over. The Reapers would no longer threaten the galaxy. In their lifetime, or to the civilizations that would come after them 50,000 years from now. The cycle had finally been broken. And she had miraculously survived it.

Garrus let go of her hand to gently wipe a stray tear of hers that had fallen. “Do you remember what happened, when you got to the Citadel?”

Shepard gave a slight shake of her head. “No…” She closed her eyes, mind straining to think back to that day. The memories were slowly coming to her, forming a clearer picture than when she first woke up:  crossing the designated no man’s land, the run to the beam and the Normandy extracting an injured Garrus and Tali, then…a blinding white flash and the searing pain that followed.

“I…I think I was hit, by Harbinger. I made it to the beam and…” That’s where her mind went blank, like she hit a dead end with no way to get around. She sighed, her head beginning to hurt from the strain. “I can’t remember what happened after.”

“They found Anderson’s body, along with the Illusive Man’s, near some control panel. Hackett thought they’d find you there, too, but you weren’t.”

Her throat tightened at the mention of Anderson. She’d hoped he made it. He had promised to show her London when the war was over. For years, he had been a constant, supportive presence in her life, one that had been missing in her life since Mindoir. His loss would leave a void not easily filled, but Shepard took some comfort knowing he went out exactly how he would have wanted to, fighting the good fight.  

In the back of her mind, she couldn’t help feeling that she’d been there with him when he died, but what images her mind _could_ conjure were unfocused, like ones from a dream. She couldn’t be sure they were real.  

“Anyone else didn’t make it?”

“EDI. She went offline after the Crucible launched. Joker’s taken it hard.”

Shepard sighed heavily, knowing how much EDI meant to Joker. To all of them. She had become more than a valued member of their crew, but a friend. She knew she should feel fortunate. With the odds they faced, they’d been lucky they hadn’t lost more of their people, herself included in that. But that didn’t make EDI’s loss any easier. Perhaps there was still a way of bringing her back. After all, if Shepard could cheat death twice, anything was possible, right?

What Garrus said then fully hit her. “Were other synthetics affected, too?”

“The geth, all other VIs and AIs. Even the mass relays took a hit. Things are slowly starting to get up and running, but it’ll probably take years before it’s ever fully normal again.”  

The huge undertaking of putting the galaxy back together was not one her head was ready to think about. “Please tell me…they’ve gotten all the pomp and ceremony…over with.”

Garrus laughed, a more genuine, full one this time. “Lucky for you, Hackett’s delaying the official commemoration until you’re feeling well enough to attend.”

“Of course he would. Wants to rope me in to…making a speech,” she said, not having it in her to be annoyed with Hackett, not when she didn’t have to add his name to the list of those she’d lost thanks to the Reapers.

Shepard suddenly found herself struggling to keep her eyes open, whatever energy she had when she’d woken up completely depleted, and she expressed as much to Garrus.

“It’s alright. Just close your eyes; go back to sleep, if you want.” He gently pressed his brow plates to hers in a familiar turian kiss. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Shepard took advantage of his face being so close and gave him a kiss of her own, the faintest press of her lips to his plates. “I know you will.”

She still had a lot of questions, memories to sift through, needed time when she could think more clearly to fully come to terms with the costs of this war, including those to her own body.

But for the moment, as Shepard drifted back to sleep, she would be content in the simple knowledge that they’d won and Garrus was right there by her side.


	11. Believe Me

-11-

Garrus didn’t even look up when he heard the door open, placing his pistol in his bag.

“We’re close to landing at the Wards docking bay. You ready to head out?” he heard Shepard’s voice ask from by the console.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Casting his gaze over to his workbench, he zipped up the bag with a noise of satisfaction that he had retrieved everything. “You know, I’m going to miss the old girl, all the late nights entering firing algorithms…”

“The guns the only thing you’ll miss around here, Vakarian?” Shepard asked, crossing her arms, her voice teasing yet Garrus also caught the flirtatious undertone, one he had become more accustomed to hearing since…whatever it was between them had started.

He pretended to think about the question carefully, tapping his cheek as if deep in thought. “Well…I’ll miss the captain’s quarters, having access to that spacious bathroom…”

Shepard stepped closer, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Just the captain’s quarters, huh?”

Her nimble fingers danced closer and closer towards the side of his neck, running them teasingly across the exposed skin. He fought back a pleased groan, subvocals thrumming in his throat, as her fingers drifted to the inside of his mandible.

Determined to not let her have the upper hand, Garrus then reached out to play with a strand of her hair, wrapping it around his finger and tugging it ever so slightly. “And its captain. Especially in that large bed of hers…” He slowly unwound the hair, making sure to brush his hand against the side of her face.

She caught his wrist. Garrus couldn’t help feeling pleased at seeing the slightest spike in her vital levels, her breath coming out heavier. “Don’t start what you can’t finish, Garrus.”

He shifted even closer to her, daring to put an arm around her waist, ensuring no space between them. He knew they didn’t have time for it; that was what the night before had been for. But he couldn’t resist asking in a low drawl that he’d come to learn got her motor running, “Are you referring to yourself, Shepard?”

As she pressed her chest into his armor, wrapping an arm around his neck and guiding his head down to hers, he began to think there was a _very_ real chance they’d make the time. Until Joker decided to come on the intercom, with as convenient timing as ever, and announce their arrival at the dock.  

Shepard pulled away just inches from his lip plates with a frustrated sigh, her face transforming into that of the serious commander still on duty. “C’mon. We should probably go.”

“Yeah…” Garrus said, trying not to sound too disappointed.

He grabbed his bag and took one last look around at the space he had called home for the past few months. Garrus briefly wondered as he followed Shepard to the elevator whether he would see it again, but he shut the thought down. There’d be plenty of time to dwell on what the future would bring, especially when that future likely involved a shit ton of Reapers barreling down on the galaxy.

Garrus leaned against the wall of the elevator, setting the bag down as Shepard pushed the button for the CIC and the metal doors closed. For all the upgrades Cerberus put in the Normandy SR-2, they just had to keep the speed of the elevator from the original. But this one time, it worked in their favor, delaying the moment when they would have to part ways.

“You still planning to head back to Palaven?” Shepard asked, breaking the silence.

“Once I finish up here. I need to see my family, see how my mom’s doing.” He shot her an appreciative look. “I know I’ve said it before, but…thanks again for helping with the payments.”

Shepard’s face softened. “You don’t have to thank me, Garrus,” she said, a tenderness in her voice that touched him to his core, more than he cared to admit. “I was happy to do it; still am.”

Garrus remembered the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he’d read the email from the institute, that the fees wouldn’t be waived in the time needed for his mom to begin the treatments, his mind racing to figure out how he’d find the credits, what to tell Sol after things seemed so promising. Despite all that, he’d been reluctant to take Shepard’s offer when she found out, not wanting her to feel obligated to solve his problems once again. But she was insistent, and in the end, Garrus took it because he didn’t want to give up on his mom if there was still a chance of saving her. He owed her that much.

Chambers was the first one to greet them as the elevator doors opened, letting them know Thane was waiting to disembark on the bridge, and that she’d soon follow once she finished up. Garrus bid farewell to her, noting she didn’t seem as pale or have as much a tremor in her voice since her rescue from the Collector base.

There weren’t many of them left on the Normandy. Even Miranda had left when they docked in Illium. As far as Garrus knew, only Shepard, Joker, Dr. Chakwas, Donnelly and Daniels, and a few other crew members would be making the return trip to Earth. Thane and Garrus were the last of Shepard’s squad to leave.

Once he said his own goodbyes to Joker -who helpfully reminded him not to go using the pole up his ass to beat up mercs the first chance Garrus got- and EDI on the bridge, and to Thane as they walked down the ramp, Garrus held back until Shepard was done with hers, wanting one last uninterrupted moment between them while they still had the chance.

“Guess this is it,” he said once Thane had left and Shepard walked over to him.

“Guess so.”

Final protestations that she still didn’t have to go through with this were on his tongue, but he kept them behind sealed lip plates. Garrus had already expressed his concerns about returning to Earth, whether it would do any good, chancing that she wouldn’t be placed under house arrest for weeks on end while the Alliance did nothing to address the incoming Reaper threat. But Shepard had made her decision, and he’d respect it, no matter how hard it was.

“I know I was joking before, but I’ll…” Damn it, why was his throat suddenly feeling so tight? “I’ll miss you, Jane.”

It was still strange to use her first name. She’d always been Shepard, even over the two years she’d been gone. Until Shepard insisted the night after the suicide mission that he could call her Jane whenever they were alone. He still found himself slipping into old habit, but Garrus couldn’t deny how much he enjoyed seeing the contented look on her face whenever he used it. Or that something had changed between them since she offered it, a shift in their relationship that went beyond just two friends fond of each other blowing off steam. But she didn’t say anything and neither did he, not wanting to make things awkward between them in case he was wrong. However much Garrus joked about interspecies awkwardness, he didn’t want anything to ruin their friendship.

No matter if he’d come to care for her beyond that.

Shepard took one of his hands and laid hers other it with a squeeze. “I’ll miss you, too.”

She leaned forward on her toes, and he took the hint, wanting to take this last moment of intimacy that Joker had denied them, with no one else around. But before even their foreheads touched, they found themselves quickly interrupted again by another crew member disembarking behind them, causing the two to practically jump away from each other.

Garrus quelled a frustrated growl at being blocked twice now, not letting it known to the woman -Goldstein, if he remembered- standing back to allow Shepard time to speak with her.

Once Goldstein left and was out of sight, before he could even register it happening, Shepard placed her hands on the side of his neck and pulled him down for a forceful kiss. Garrus almost laughed, at knowing she’d been just as frustrated at being interrupted, but then that would ruin the moment, and he didn’t want that. Not when this kiss already didn’t last nearly long enough before Shepard pulled away.  

“This isn’t goodbye forever, Garrus,” she breathed, placing a hand on his chest plate. “Believe me.”

And he did. Because he knew her. If he’d seen her come back from the dead to save his sorry ass, pull every single person on the ship through a _suicide mission_ , he knew she’d find a way out of Alliance custody. A way to see each other again.  

“Be safe out there, big guy.”

This time, he was the one to take her hand in his and give it a quick squeeze. “You too.”

When they finally parted and he made his way down the rest of the ramp, it took every effort not to look back.


End file.
